Detaching with love

"Get me that other Bible.  Bring it to us," Jon demanded, "Jason told us to get as many Bible versions as we can." Jon is an inmate at a unit table at the Maleng Regional Justice Center detention facility in Kent.   

He was in full speed ahead, high gear, manipulation and control mode to get me to jump at his demands.  I was feeling his pressure and getting pulled in.   Others in the unit surrounding our interchange were listening and watching closely.

                      Manipulation and control strategies

Addiction-based behaviors actively manipulate and control others around them.  Addictive behaviors abuse both the user and people closest to them.  Manipulation and control are ingredients of the addiction recipe-- insidious sins that suck others into diseased sin.  

Defined, insidious plans to intentionally entrap or beguile.  It proceeds in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually intends grave effects.

Jon didn't stop, even with that.  I had already provided a beautiful Nelson New King James Study Bible, the very Bible I use myself while serving as a PFC chaplain--a really quality Bible. I exhorted those with Jon to dig into the resource they already have freely available to them. 

As I  stepped away from Jon's table,  he demanded, nearly yelling, I get people in his church to visit him--one more shot. I am aware his community group and church leaders know exactly where Jon is. 

Jon was not about digging into another Study Bible.  He made it out that it was completely on me to give him what he wanted...and right now.  I was to feel compelled to jump so he could show others he is in control. 

I was getting taken in by his strategy.  He was getting very briefly what he wanted to gain control over me. Inmates know they have no power in jail so they do many things as a strategy to control people around them.

As soon as I became aware, I chose to take care of myself by detaching from this craziness. I needed to apply biblical truth from the tremendous input I am receiving around Celebrate Recovery on Thursday nights at Kent Covenant Church.

                         Detaching with love

I am exploring detaching with love around addictive inmates and others I am sharing with.  We stay healthy by choosing to stay away from the craziness that can escalate to insanity.

I am applying Scripture on detachment with love using an Al-anon text called, "Hope for today," one of many resources providing thoughtful meditations for family members and friends coping with addiction and abuse all around us.

As we work through detaching, an intense awareness builds up around an awkward upswing of anxiety. The increased stress is structured around idols--people and things which we allow ourselves, now not just other addicted ones, to reign over and control us.

I make choices allowing these things to cause me pain, so I have to make a decision to consider the source and actively let these things go with the power of the Holy Spirit.  I need to be very much aware where and who this pain is coming from.

Living in God's love is required to exercise detachment.  It is in the very character of godly Christ-likeness. Detaching with love, then, requires actively engaging in God's definition of love--

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.  

~1 Corinthians 13:4-8  

                        Choosing boundaries

A useful word picture for letting go or putting off the craziness away from us is establishing and maintaining our boundaries. I live inside my hula hoop by minding my own business and taking care of myself.

I learned to mentally construct a safe picket fence or rock wall.  We can see and hear each other but we stay right where we are.  Staying inside my hula hoop personal space, I may excuse myself from the crazy-making coming in many forms from addictive personalities.  Setting safe boundaries is both loving and caring.

At the MRJC unit, I needed to leave the table and maybe not with complete calm to regain my right, godly purposes.  This is not selfish but shows more love and care although they didn't see it that way.

                   Separate from crazy-making

Here, I stay inside my hula hoop or on my side of the fence.  I am minding my own business and taking care of myself.  I need to leave the world alone especially if they are not asking for my help.  Those tangled in addiction are most often not asking for help.  They want to make us crazy with them so we are diseased, too.

I have learned to not give answers to questions others are not asking.

Things to detach from, or let go, in love:

• disappointment
• hurt
• accusations
• sadness
• taking offense
• fear
• judging others
• bitterness
• resentment
• anger
• stress

The Bible speaks directly about anxiety or, old-fashioned worry--things causing you and me to get swallowed up by manipulation and control.  Make no mistake--those who are engaged in addiction and abuse are active and again, insidious, manipulators and controllers.

David said--

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.  ~Psalm 37:4-5

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.  ~Psalm 55:22

Jesus said--

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  ~Matthew 6:25 

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.   ~John 14:1

Paul said--

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  ~Philippians 4:6 

Peter said--

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ~1 Peter 5:6-8 

As I am listening to others trying to suck me into their habits of addictions and abuse, then, in detaching with love, I choose again to not be the teacher, their guru, or answer guy.  David, Jesus, Paul, and Peter even command us to roll our anxieties over to the Lord and "let it go" in Christ-like love.

We may say...
"I hear what you are saying.  I'm sure you will find a creative solution.  I will listen."

"What choices are available?" 

"How are you going to move ahead?"

create a peaceful place

Their answers come from them.  In setting solid boundaries, I regain my godly purpose to love them still more by not giving into them with supposed answers they probably won't take on anyway because it is our solutions, not their own. They have no stake in the answer if it is not their own. Continuing to listen is an option but you and I may need to create a peaceful place or...

leave the room, 

        take a walk, 

              hit some golf balls, 

                     watch children play at a nearby park, 

                              go away to get a cup of coffee...

Pray. Regain your balance.  Take a deep breath.  Pray.

                                         
When we detach in love, God's people are messengers of His hope and recovery as we point them directly to Jesus  We provide genuine love and forgiveness that Jesus offers.  We are not the answer.  That is not for us to give.  He will set them, and us, free. 

Jesus saves the filthiest addict

"I am not religious," Kevin started right out, "but I've seen seven of my friends die because of drugs, like me. I'm afraid I might die.  I have a pocket New Testament but I need a Bible.  I am addicted to heroine... I am afraid.  I could have died. Can you help me?"

Kevin is 31 and is an inmate at the Regional justice Center in Kent. Starting with marijuana around 15, he progressed to painkillers, oxycontin, and heroine. Oxycontin and heroine kept getting mentioned as he unfolded an ongoing 16 year trail of addiction and substance abuse.  

He admitted he was tired and his eyes kept rolling back through most of our time together. How much he was able to pay attention?  I thought I was losing him several times but, no, he was intent on hearing from Jesus and the message of eternal life.

                   God loves and wants to save addicted sinners

I had about 40 minutes for this first session right at the end of the day before dinner for the men. I am sobered by this kind of meeting because I may not get a second hearing.  From the unit bookshelf, I located a Gideon New King James Bible.  Holding the Bible, I emphasized it is merely another book if I don't recognize it is God's incredible message to us about His love and His way to deliver us from the messes we find ourselves in, even heroine addictions like his.  

 

Kevin may have attended church some as an early teen but there is no lasting understanding. He has not been around a church nor read a Bible for a long time.  This man needed to hear God loves and wants to save addicted sinners like him.  

God wants to save this heroine addict.  He can live... and doesn't have to die without Jesus.  Neither he nor I are guaranteed to make it out of the room we were sitting in. That isn't to traumatize him but God may bring death at any time.  Kevin is not a healthy man.  As a actively prayed silently and with Kevin to begin with, I led him to Jesus and Nicodemus.  

                            Go right to Jesus
I wanted him to hear Jesus.

Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.  ~John 3:1-8

So, what are these statements about being born again?  The Lord Jesus is very direct. He said, "You must be born again."  How do we understand, "unless one is born of the water and the Spirit, he cannot see nor enter the Kingdom of God"?  Being born again means we are saved and enter the Kingdom of God through the supernatural work of God.  

Being saved is wholly, completely, thoroughly the work of God.  The Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.  Here, Jesus focuses on the work of the Holy Spirit.

                       Water and the Spirit 

Jesus asserts Nicodemus should know what he meant when he referenced, "...born of the water and the Spirit..."  In verse 1, John introduces Jesus as a Pharisee.  Jesus knew he was a "teacher of Israel," in verse 10.  D.A. Carson notes "teachers of Israel" would have memorized the Old Testament so he should have known what being born of water and Spirit means.  

Jesus referred to Ezekiel 36.  Here it is--

I will sprinkle you clean...

 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.  ~Ezekiel 36:25-27

Nicodemus should have known about the cleansing water and the Father's work to "put My Holy Spirit within you."  Nicodemus didn't argue with Jesus; he remembered.  Kevin brought out the clear reference to the forgiveness of sin. 

Substance abuse and every other sin--gossip, overeating, etc.--leaves the addicted filthy before God.

Jesus is talking about a physical birth in the flesh and a second spiritual birth, wholly the work of God.  Lost sinners don't make themselves born again.  

                                      Born again

Again, Jesus teaches being born again is the work of the Holy Spirit.  The wind blows and we hear it.  The Holy Spirit works and we are forever, miraculously, supernaturally saved.  We see things change.  We don't know where it comes from.  The saving work of God makes changes in our lives on an ongoing basis for the rest of our lives. 

The lost sinner is forever changed.  I shared with Kevin this isn't primarily emotional, although emotions are engaged.  God forever and really changes us.  We sense a change.  Multiple men may experience it differently but each one recognizes radical change over time.  For some, it is very dramatic and for others it may be more quiet. We moved on to the next sections of John 3--

 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”  ~John 3:16-21

I asked if we could get real personal.  This wasn't "play time," at all.  Kevin's eyes still rolled back and he regained focus...Did he want soft and sweet or clear and straight?  He chose clear and straight. 

The Father loved Kevin, Kevin so much He sent God the Son, Jesus, to die so Kevin might not spend eternity separated from the love of God but Kevin might possess eternal life from God.  

The person without Christ is condemned, right now.  They are the living dead and face an eternity sentenced to remain under the wrath of God.  Jesus says this is hell, Kevin understood, and is a place of destruction where people are weeping and gnashing their teeth.  They are aware this hell is a very bad, horrible beyond description, place. 

Eternity rests on every person's believing response to the name of the only Son of God.  It is about leaning everything we are forever, our eternal destiny, on who Jesus is and what He has and continues to do to save us for all eternity.  

Kevin could do that, right now.  He could have eternal life in Jesus Christ.  He said that was what he wanted.  

In the text, "does what is true" and "his works"  contains the greatest news anyone could ever hear.  These are references to believing, the one who "comes to the light," this one leans everything they are on the once-for-all, finished work of Jesus Christ.  This one is saved by God, the act of believing is "clearly seen...clearly seen...as being carried out in God."

I assured Kevin he could have all these things related to eternal life and believing.  He wanted to pray.  I asked him to pray whatever was on his heart.  God hears and knows.  If God saves, how we pray isn't important.  It is not about the sinner's prayer to bring salvation.

We have heard the joyful sound: Jesus saves! Jesus saves!
Spread the tidings all around: Jesus saves! Jesus saves!
Bear the news to every land, climb the mountains, cross the waves;
Onward! ’tis our Lord’s command; Jesus saves! Jesus saves!

Glory to God, Kevin prayed.  I left him with a worksheet from Romans and verses about the assurance of salvation to be found in Jesus.  We could talk Monday.

Ready to change

 "Chaplain Mark, I really need to talk.  I keep messing up," Don confessed. "I talk too much.  I argue.  I yell. I get into fights.  What is wrong with me?"

Don is a 19 year-old inmate at the Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent.  I was meeting with another inmate in Don's unit when I witnessed live exactly what Don spoke about.

I watched and heard what he did. Later,  an officer warned him he could be headed for "the hole." He got there, later in the week.

                I WITNESSED EVERYTHING
It is as bad as Don presents it.  He is a follower--gang leaders influence him toward destructive actions.  A very willing participant in the misbehavior, his active participation consistently encourages the leaders to continue their subtle and overt games.  Not an innocent bystander at all, others are watching.

It is part of the craziness of incarceration. 

Don said, "You saw all that?...  Oh, man, that is bad....I was having a Bible study some time ago with another guy.  Or, we were trying to read the Bible together.  We said we know what the old life is over there.  The Bible is teaching us another way.  We don't want the results of the old way.  Then, we go back to it."

We carefully worked through Romans 7:15-8:2.

...For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me... 



Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
    
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  Romans 7:15-8:2 

Don and I shared what real change begins to look like for him.  It challenges his personal loyalties.  The gang experience is what he knows. He is taking halting steps, knows gospel truth, and considers what a different life might mean.  How ready is he to change?  The "hole" may or may not lead to heart change.  We may talk again, soon.

                         MOVING INTO GOD'S CHANGE

Steve taught about being ready to change at Celebrate Recovery on a recent Thursday at Kent Covenant Church on the east hill of Kent, Washington.

"I clearly remember 13 years ago, I was lost, hopeless, and depressed around my alcoholism," Steve admitted.  "There were countless times I desired to stop drinking.  I was sorry and took steps to stop.  Then, I'd drink all over again and the cycle would repeat itself once more."

From 2 Kings 5, Steve recounted King Naaman, a  leper, seeking healing and the directions given to him by Elisha to wash seven times in the Jordan River.  

There were several other things this leper could have done.

He could have washed other places.

• Why wash at all?
• Why did he need to be washed in the Jordan?
• Why seven times?

Three times in another creek would have been good enough...

Naaman obeyed God's clear instructions to receive healing.  Steve remembers similar obedience with first halting, stumbling steps to remove his patterns of alcohol addiction.

"I had to go to the meetings, work the steps, and let the Lord remove my shortcomings. I had to do the work. I realized I am an alcoholic and it came time to stop drinking. I lived with other resentments.  I was self-centered and greedy. I needed to control the way other people did things.   Those sinful patterns developed over long periods of time--30, 40, 50 years."

                    IDENTIFY CHARACTER DEFECTS

Principle 5 is about being ready from the Celebrate Recovery step series:

Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask him to remove my character defects.

The accompanying step 6 states:

We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

The Scripture used for these teachings on spiritual readiness for God's change in our lives is based on:

"Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires," Matthew 5:6

and

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:10

Every change... really?  Every change?  Character defects are sin.  Three letters.  Moral failure.  This is very personal. It is not merely a shortcoming.  These character defects are attitudes, choices, behaviors before God. The people who follow Jesus repent of sin.  We make a conscious decision to turn away from character defects of sin and turn to God. 

                     TAKING STEPS TO CHANGE

Using an acronym based on READY, Steve presented a Celebrate Recovery pathway to humble change around addiction and related character defect sins. 

FIRST, RELEASE CONTROL.  Psalm 143:10

Steve admitted struggling with his lifelong desire for control around his family and marriage.  He gets upset if meetings don't end on time.  In many ways, he doesn't want to give up control. I don't want to give up control around many things.  How about you?  What are you struggling to give up?

SECOND, EASY DOES IT.  Psalm 37:5

There are no quick fixes to overcome longstanding character issues established from childhood and rooted in our family backgrounds. It takes a long time to build changes in our habits.  Our character defects can be removed over time with God's help.


THIRD, ACCEPT THE CHANGE.  1 Peter 1:13-14

Those who are needing to change accept God's help in steps of transition.  God brings people alongside us to walk through significant steps.

Steve uses "Roundup" to spray for dandelions in his yard. "I spray a lot. You spray and then for two weeks nothing happens.  You get worried.  You keep looking and then you notice those ugly weeds are dying out.

"Change starts slowly.  Then it begins to happen.  You notice dead weeds.  In the same way, as you do the work and pay attention, our defects begin to disappear," Steve explained.



FOURTH, DO REPLACE CHARACTER DEFECTS.
It may seem like we are like we are wasting our time.  Nothing will change, we surmise.

Everything seems just like when you were struggling at a very low point with your character defect.  Or, maybe you see clear evidence of change but there is a big hole in your life.  You used to do things with people who you know you can't be with.  They may make is clear they don't want to be around you.

You need a replacement.  People involved in meaningful change need positive, productive activities, replacement activities and people.   It is really helpful to seek out hobbies to have fun.  Recovery means replacing defective habits with things that are positive and fun.

FIFTH, YIELD TO THE GROWTH. 1 John 3:9
With God's help, real changes happen.  He works out lasting changes in and around us.  We will be challenged to go back to the old ways.  We need supportive people to hold us up and remind us where we came from.

Addiction like bindweed

 "I struggled with fear of rejection, "Cindy confessed, "and shame because I could not meet standards I felt were imposed on me or I imposed on myself.  I was intimidated and feared punishment and so there was always more shame."

Cindy participates in Celebrate Recovery at Kent Covenant Church and intended to retire from active ministry when she realized she was missing so very much in being mentored and mentoring others.


She participated in the fourth step inventory several times and grieved over abandonment and personal co-dependency.  She looked to those appearing to be more needy to fulfill her.

Cindy realized a lifetime of family sicknesses around addiction leading her through a season of forgiveness.  She found herself playing old tapes in her mind about painful memories and surrendered to the Holy Spirit. As a result, Cindy established safe boundaries around family relationships for her needs.


                              Vesting in recovery

As family members cope with debilitating addictive patterns, they often plead with their addicted loved ones to actively engage in recovery.  They are earnest about their family member's real engagement in the recovery process.  One family recently termed this as being vested in dealing with the needs and habits confronted.  Addicted personalities live in denial.  They do not believe they need:
 

• counseling
• therapy
• in or out-patient treatment
• recovery groups
• help from others beyond empty promises

Addicted people act as if they can stop whenever they want.  They cannot and do not stop by themselves. They drag their families down with them in what some call "crazy-making," sociopath, complicated family sicknesses over prolonged seasons, even lifetimes.

Addicted people are not committed to their own recovery, naturally.  Addiction causes brain rewiring and is a sin disorder.  Evil choices are made offending God and hurting themselves and people closest to them.  Addiction is both a sin and a physiological disorder. 

Some secular groups offering in and out-patient treatment focus solely on the brain rewiring along with related physiological issues and do not even address the sin factor.  Some spiritual groups only focus on the sin dilemma.  

If it is simply a sin disorder, the addicted person should repent of their moral failure and begin the process of productive living. Led by the Holy Spirit, the Apostle Paul spoke to this dilemma.


For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.   ~Romans 8:13-14

 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.   ~Colossians 3:5-8  

Addictive patterns compared to bindweed 

Confronting sin requires active participation.  We put to death the deeds of the body, what is fleshly or earthly.  These steps are led by the Holy Spirit.  We put them away from us.  Sin infects us like bindweed.

Another set of life questions...

For how long will I continue to hand-pull the bindweed coming under the fence and into the planting beds of my life experience? If it were only in my yard, could I ever win? Or, if I play a loop of "It's a Small World After All" directly against the ground, will the bindweed wither and die? 

More than an afternoon of hand-pulling in my planting beds is required around bindweed-like inflicting sin in my life. 

flower

Bindweed is a perennial plant producing a vine with stems 2-4' long and sometimes hairy where new growth occurs. The flowers are white to pink and trumpet-shaped and produce indeterminately throughout the year.

"Calling it 'Morning Glory' is the work of a truly evil person," insists Dennis Hincamp of the Utah State University Extension Service.

root system

The Oregon State Extension Service reports field bindweed spreads by seed and a deep, extensive root system. Scientists have reported that seed from bindweed can persist in soil for up to 60 years and its roots can grow up to 30 feet deep. 

vines wrap around plants

Normally, the first signs of bindweed are thread-like vines that wrap themselves tightly around plants or other upward objects.  Eventually, these vines will grow leaves, which are shaped much like an arrowhead.

Single attempts to remove bindweed roots will not be successful. When controlling bindweed, the first thing to remember is gardeners will need to choose multiple control methods before successful eradication is accomplished.
 

                      Eradication of sin

J. I. Packer

"I never get to the end of mortifying sin," J. I. Packer writes,  "because sin in my heart is still marauding, even though it is not dominant. Sin is constantly expressing itself in new disorderly desires, as bindweed is constantly expressing itself in fresh shoots and fresh blooms. 

"Once bindweed has established itself in your garden or hedge it is very difficult to get out because it is always extending itself under the surface of the soil. 

"Sin in the heart is rather like that. But as blooms of sin break surface and I recognize them, I am called to — indeed deep down in my heart I want to — go into action with this prayer procedure for draining the life out of them. 

"I think this is a discipline every Christian has to wake up to right at the beginning of the Christian life and continue with as long as we are in this world.  I owe more, I think, to John Owen than to any other theologian, ancient or modern, and I am sure I owe more to his little book on mortification than to anything else he wrote.” 

How do we overcome nagging sins that infect our hearts and wrap around our lives and loved ones around us? What steps do we take to deal with the physiological disorders?  What kinds of real help are we willing to be vested in?

12 steps and Scriptures from Celebrate Recovery

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors. That our lives had become unmanageable.  Romans 7:18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Philippians 2:13 For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Lamentations 3:40 Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs. James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 1 Corinthians 10:12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out. Colossians 3:16a Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.
12. Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and practice these principles in all our affairs. Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

 

Freedom from the idols of addiction

"The more someone uses drugs," Dan confessed, "the more selfish he becomes.  You don't care about what you are doing to anyone.  I am experienced so I know all about being selfish because I've spent most of my teenage and adult life addicted to drugs."

Dan was an inmate I met with over two seasons of incarceration at the MRJC in Kent.  Several other inmates around an evening service a few days later in Q unit with Dwight Hawley, my faithful PFC co-worker and brother in Christ, agreed. 

One of the Alcoholic Anonymous lines the inmates know goes:
."...one is too many...and a thousand is not enough."

Starting recovery from the evil web of addictions is a huge step forward in God's healing and deliverance. Addictions lead to an evil web of sin and sicknesses--Satanic footholds.

John 10:10 refers to the evil thief as, "coming to steal, kill and destroy."

The thief in John 10 represents is the evil one, our deceitful adversary, and will, if not confronted along with the forces of the world and the flesh, use addictions to steal, kill, and destroy everything truly good in our lives.

MRJC complex in Kent

The men I meet with every day at the Maleng Regional Justice Center are weighed down with the consequences of their addictions.  Destructive addictions strike men and women--whether it is substance abuse in drinking and drugs of heinous impact, sex trafficking, prostitution, internet gaming, gambling, pornography, and countless other paths.

 A long list of addictions is added to in ways all of us come under the control of what God calls IDOLS.

Here is what God gave to Moses as the first two Commandments:

    “You shall have no other gods before me.
    “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them..."  

Exodus 20:3-5a

Many of these inmates process through multiple in and out-patient clinics only to dig deeper into their paths of destruction with those they are doing their treatment with. A frightening number of inmates never participate in treatment or recovery care even though they share they have been involved since pre-teen years.

The last half of John 10:10 states such a freeing liberating message, "I came that they might have life and have it abundantly."

                       My path of addictive struggles

This all isn't about other people.  I remember feeling depressed during my college experiences.  I was walking in faith and connected in my local church with my family.  I had great friends. I read the Bible and prayed regularly and even felt His call on my life toward serving Him in a full-time way.  I remember sitting in the community college parking lot like I was in the wrong place.

I was proud.  I knew all the answers and was smarter than others around me.  It was really all about me.  I learned to respond to everything that frustrated me with anger.   I remember realizing this anger thing gave me energy.  It was an evil force that needed to be dealt with.

Anger was part my response to significant things that frustrated me.   I thought I knew better than my teachers and bosses around me.  That caused me serious trouble for a long season of adulthood.

As I look back, now, I could have fallen in areas of substance abuse addiction so very easily.  God was carrying me through so many things.  "I never smoked, chewed, drank or went with people who do..."  That is no humor.  Still, I struggled.  I have empathy for the fallen.  I created several other struggled with bad responses to people in authority.

I know all about failure.  I kept getting warnings.  I would get better and things looked resolved.  The Lord kept leading.  I was serving Him and I He knew everything.  It became a harder place than I ever imagined. 

The longer I gave anger a safe place, the more selfish I became. 

I ended up meeting with several counselors and a seasoned middle school teacher who really helped me.  My deeply-entrenched anger led me to destructive places at home, on my job, in my good church ministries, and with teams I coached.  I am sure I am missing areas.  God used that teacher, James, and the therapist, Gary, to continue guiding me to my own recovery.

In this journey into my own addictive, prideful anger, I asked the Lord to speak to me through His word.  His message of recovery was loud and clear.  It was like the font size quadrupled off the page--

"And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit."

~Galatians 5:24-25 

                   The Lord's recovery journey

Getting caught by people God sends into our deep places is the beginning of His incredible blessings, not demeaning punishment, as we see it.  God's merciful journey is His good road to lifetime healing. 

The next steps in total life recovery might not have been possible if you had done "just enough" to remain under the radar.  The path to recovery starts with recognizing God Himself is carrying, walking, guiding, holding your hand through His steps of discipline.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  ~Hebrews 12:11


                      Addictions inventory
How do you know if you are addicted and if you are in need of some kind of recovery?  Take a first inventory from my list, here.  How many of these things are yours?  You may need a trusted family member or friend to walk through this with you.

Those engaged in abusive activities, behavior, and people commonly:

1.  Preoccupied with the activity and behavior.

2.  Increasing amounts of time required to achieve satisfaction.
3.  Repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop.

4.  Restless, moody, depressed, or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop. 

5.  Lose significant relationships, job, educational, or career opportunity.

6.  Lie to family members, therapist, friends, and co-workers.

7.  Escape to relieve feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression.

8.  Grades crash with sense of isolation and hopelessness.

9.  Employment  performance and relationships slide significantly.
 

Other symptoms:
• Heightened sense of euphoria

• Neglecting family and friends
• Loss of consistent sleep
• Increased stress, anxiety, depression

• Weight gain or loss

• Withdrawing from productive activities

Whether its around some recognized addiction or some other failure, getting caught is so hard.  I pray you believe you are in a safe "shelter from the storm" with the special people the Lord Himself has encircled around you.

Epidemic gaming

Treatment for any addiction must be purposeful.  The addicted person needs far more direct, concrete help than they are willing to submit to.  Most often, these things are not prayed away.

In every recovery program God honors, prayer will be employed, mandatory, and required. 

You can't overcome addiction alone.  Meeting with a mentor regularly is a great start. Some combination of treatment, therapy, and group involvement will be required. There are solid support groups for virtually every form of addiction and painful family need. Many find Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon-type groups are very helpful.

Good, trustworthy help is available all around us.  One of the sayings I've learned in recovery support groups is:  "the program is useless if you don't work the steps."  Going to a recovery program or getting counseling gets left in the room if we won't apply what we learned or actively work at it with as much support as we can be encircled with.

                         Celebrate Recovery

Kent Covenant Church

I returned to a faith-based "Celebrate Recovery" group at Kent Covenant Church on the east hill of Kent, Washington on Thursday nights.  CR came out of Saddleback Church in California with Pastor Rick Warren.

The Kent Covenant group meetings start with a $4 dinner and fellowship at 6:30 pm.  We enjoy worship, a teaching or testimony, a gender specific small groups, and sharing around dessert to close about 9:30.

CR encourages four step studies for individuals, and small groups as well as seeking sponsors for ongoing one-to-one caring support. 


My local church, Faith Baptist Church, and Valley View Christian Church, also on the east hill of Kent are taking steps to start Celebrate Recovery groups. Several other groups remain active in our region and likely wherever you live. Get the support and help you need.  Find a counselor, therapist, in or out-patient treatment program, and a program group the Lord leads you to.  Check out other groups, faith-based or otherwise.   

                                     Wounded people all around us

Somebody is not safe here

Overcoming addictions and getting on a road to recovery involves those closest to us.  The addicted person creates family circles of sickness.  Families of origin are not naturally safe.  Families who go to church and are Christians are not naturally safe, either.  Some folks are hidden, dangerous mines subconsciously or consciously planted in and around us.



Most don't intend to wound others. Or, they don't appear to care and they actively hurl abuse.   A wounded person may think its safe to attack others around church.  They actively believe pastoral staff and church leaders are safe to abuse because they won't strike back. These hurlers need to be in recovery. 

"Stick and stones may break bones..."  but I have learned... destructive words break hearts.


                             Safe people and places

God's safe people

There are very safe people and places in all our churches.  God has gifted certain ones with caring and loving spirits.  As great listeners and prayer warriors, they stick with you as faithful friends.  The Lord may use these special ones to guide you into life-changing, transforming recovery.  The local church can be an amazing shelter from the storm, a genuine safe harbor.



I remind myself my church is no safer than I am.  We learn to let the Lord teach us to be safe and create safe places most often by hard experiences that bring us to brokenness. There are outstanding therapists and counselors in our region.

It all starts by being in harder places than we could have ever imagined and finding the Lord meets us down deep where we need him.  These are often low and dark valleys.  Watch out!  Several of these hard, low, apparently dark places are hiding in our journeys.  

Hold onto your faith.  Run to Jesus.  I am praying the Lord will move so decisively you will embrace your own faith.   I am pleading with the Lord you will discover you are encircled with loving people who are walking alongside you in your path of recovery.  

What help are you willing to pursue?  What is a first step or next action for you?

Feelings lacking confidence

"I don't know if I feel confident Jesus stays with me," Darrell confided in a one-to-one conversation with me at the Maleng Regional Justice Center Jail, recently. 

"When I have been in jail before, I read the Bible and for awhile I feel really good.  I talked to people about God and the Bible. A little later even that day I don't feel so good. 

"I am not sure if God is still with me. 

"When I get released from jail, I have just gone back to my old lifestyle. I  get in trouble with people, get picked up, and I'm back in jail.  It is like all the stuff about God never happened. I go in circles."

Darrell is locked up in fear and pain.

Darrell is incarcerated but not by the King County Detention Center.  I became just so clear prayer was required to care for Darrell.  He has not known to do any different.   Other chaplains shared these things with him.  There was no definite plan he put in place to get to a safe place with people who would encourage him to make a habit and lifetime of walking with God around a street ministry, gospel mission, or a local church.

Darrell kept asking about how he should feel.  At one point, he probed, "Am I a Christian only when I am feeling really good?...Does He leave me when I don't feel anything?"

Inmates return to what they know

Transition hours right after release are critical for every inmate.  Most need hand-holding through those first hours and days.  If there are substance abuse issues, as is most common, fellow users are right there to get the released man right back into the mire.

Darrell goes back to what he knows.  Unless something changes that is radical, unless he makes very deliberate plans to do something else, he will return to the way he knows.   Darrell jumps back into entangled gang relationships and activities.  

While serving with Prisoners for Christ, I minister alongside jail ministry staff from the Seattle Union Gospel Mission team.  I am connecting Darrell to my UGM friends to explore these things.

He was presented the saving message of Christ in a juvenile detention facility.  I patiently shared the gospel message with him several months ago and he acted like he was hearing for the first time but he waffled and wiggled.  Well, he said, yes, he heard it before and it seemed to feel real.  At least one other chaplain presented the message to him at the MRJC.  He has gone through several levels of first time and assurance prayer experiences.  

I followed up several times.  He is very friendly and seemed eager to talk but he did a little "avoidance soft shoe."  After awhile,  he doesn't want to meet.  There are other gang members and unit guys pulling him away.   He follows easily. 

Overcoming fickle feelings

Disciples follow Jesus

A Christian follows Christ.  We see what that looks like in the Matthew 5 beatitudes for the new  and seasoned saint.  This is the bold print of discipleship.  The first beatitude in verse 3 says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  ~Matthew 5:3

Jesus announced very special people follow Him in radical ways. The followers of Jesus recognize they are unable, they don't have it in them without the power of God to cope with the daily realities of life.  "Poor in spirit" means abject so utter and complete spiritual inability.  

Abject poor

They are desperate for God to meet them where they really are and theirs is the kingdom of heaven. The followers of Jesus are wholly given over to God.  They don't push in the flesh to get these things.  God gives His followers peace and comfort in giving ourselves to Him.  

Amidst daily jail unit life, Darrell admitted when things get a little frustrating he ends up yelling and cursing.  He gets out of control and then gets in trouble. 

I inquired, "How is that working out?"  He is 18 or 19 and he admitted it is not working well, at all.  Some inmates  approve and support his disruptions.  

They are the ones Paul speaks about, "Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them." ~Romans 1:32.

Trusting Jesus

I took him Darrell to what Solomon has to say--

    Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
        and do not lean on your own understanding.
    In all your ways acknowledge him,
        and he will make straight your paths.  ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Trusting in, leaning everything on the Lord is speaking of giving everything to God.  It speaks of a whole heart spirit and Solomon said it is, "with all your heart." What is "your own understanding"?  It is all about the way we usually think and our usual habits of life.  That way isn't leaning and trusting in the Lord.

We go deeper in prayer

Wherever the Lord plants you and me to care for others, we simply must learn to plead with God in prayer.  

Under best conditions, we battle through deep trials in prayer.  Some are caught in really deep places.  Those of us who are called go to those places to extend ropes of God's deliverance need deeper and deeper prayer. 

Parts of the jail and prison experience are very depressing, even debilitating.  My own real experience through some days involves ups and downs.  I go through occasional two to five minutes of feeling low, frustrated, even depressed.  I learned not to stay there.These things are never defeated without growing in prayer.

Anchored on God and His promises

Proven experience with God is not based on feeling either high or low but what God speaks to about Himself, who He is, and what He says He will do, His promises for His blessed followers. 

From one of the most comforting chapters in the Bible, David wrote:

    Where shall I go from your Spirit?
        Or where shall I flee from your presence?
    If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
        If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
    If I take the wings of the morning
        and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
    even there your hand shall lead me,
        and your right hand shall hold me.
    If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
        and the light about me be night,”
    even the darkness is not dark to you;
        the night is bright as the day,
        for darkness is as light with you.  ~Psalm 139:7-12

The Lord uses His Scripture to teach Darrell how to feel by reading and directly asking the Lord.  I suggested he go back to Matthew 5:3, not just read it several times, but memorize and then carefully meditate on it.  He could start with Matthew 5:3 and then go to a couple other verses I referred to as "go to" texts.  These are verses God uses to really help us when needed the most. 

Scripture memory:  REVIEW TIMES THREE

The three rules for memorizing Scripture are the same: REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW.  Memorizing a text means "word perfect" with what each person can do.  It is totally right-on to go back and check it out as many times as we need to.  Going back for further review is part of the memory process, not cheating.  

Darrell's Bible is carefully marked.  Verses are boxed or starred.  He is using a Contemporary English Translation.  Great.  Awesome!  Throughout our time together,  he immediately located designated texts.   He says he reads his Bible most days and seemed to want to try the Scripture memory.

Keep praying and sharing 

Even as our time together concludes, Darrell was unsure, again.  He seemed to be tracking all along.  "How should I feel?  I'm not sure. Is the Lord still with me?"  I reminded him to ask God to teach him how to feel.  I am in that unit several times a week. He can send a kite request or approach me.  What did he get from our time together?