Presence amidst uncertainties
Remaining fruitful in our roles in jails and prisons during these uncertain times requires wisdom. I don’t know what these next months hold. I am committed to purposeful presence as a chaplain.
I began serving at the Maleng Regional Justice Center—Adult Detention (MRJC) in Kent in 2002 with evening Bible studies in two units. In 2006, I was invited to join PFC as a full-time support-raising chaplain.
Up until the Covid-19 pandemic in March of 2020, 18 years later, I ministered shoulder-to-shoulder with Dick and Judy Rothlisberger Monday-Friday in the MRJC units. After Dick passed into glory in April of 2021, Judy continues to serve as the Protestant Chaplain for women while I assumed the same role for men.
As in most areas of our lives, so much continues to change. We aren’t certain how our jail services and overall programs will continue. Our on-site ministry slowed way down from November through January. We returned to active one-to-one telephone and window visits in February Monday-Friday. We remained masked.
Ministries of presence
I’ve gained great respect for “ministries of presence” with the inmates, uniformed staff, and support staff. I want to be available to care for everyone connected to the jail and careful not to push nor force conversations about faith, the Bible, spirituality, or their church experiences. Those I speak with have requested visits. Often, we read Scripture and pray together. When doors open, I am active with evangelism and discipleship.
When I speak of presence, I am referring to showing up faithfully. On numerous occasions while carrying out ministries in the state prisons, men approached me. They said, “I remember you from the RJC in Kent. You came into our unit regularly. I never spoke to you but your coming in regularly meant so much to me.”
Presence focuses on what’s most important
Presence also means our sharing concentrates on what is most important to them. My purpose is to engage them with what matters most to them. Often, it takes a minimum of three to four visits before they open up about their past.
One prison pen pal recently wrote, “I have been focusing on meditation and finding those calm, peaceful, and moments with God. I still struggle with a mind that wants to wander…Did I finish my schoolwork? I wonder when I’ll get back to work? I bet my family is at their retreat spot... Its really tough in a cell with four guys and an adjacent dayroom constantly full of noise.”
Presence recognizes abuse and trauma
A great percentage of the inmates experienced abuse and trauma from when they were infants and young children. Many experience death of loved ones while they incarcerated. They are traumatized and grieving. If they experienced religion or church, it was as a young child with a grandmother. Their father and their children are also incarcerated or at high risk. They stopped being interested in school early on and are at an at-best third grade reading level. Their relationships with their fathers and children is severely damaged.
Presence offers life preservers
Presence means offering them a safe conversation and life preserver that fits each one. I share about my own challenges that cause me to be triggered, multiple experiences when I “lost my cool” in many settings. When I’m triggered I shut down, am easily annoyed, and embarrassed. People around witnessed it. These things happened for me in the jail. These same things surround incarcerated men and women on an hourly basis. Sometimes, its violent.
Presence asks questions and listens
I start by presenting six statements to evaluate their own well-being, this list is called a “relational circuits checklist and is part of brain science. Each statement often causes tears and silence, at first.
This list is based on the work of Karl Lehman, M.D. www.kcleman.com
Here’s the list:
I just want to make a problem, person, or feeling go away.
I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say.
My mind is “locked onto” something upsetting.
I don’t’ want to be connected to ________. Someone I usually like.
I just want to get away, fight, our freeze.
I more aggressively interrogate, judge and fix others.
The next step is gracious silence. Stop talking and listen attentively. I want to be curious, appreciative of their attention, kind, and make deliberate eye-contact. I’ll ask which one or two of these statements connect? Its all about loving, safe presence.
