Saturday, March 23, 2013

Retreating doesn't resolve conflicts

"I get frustrated with all the talk around here, I've been spending most of my days by myself in my unit or watching TV," Jack admitted, recently.  Jack is an inmate at the Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent and we've met together regularly the ninth months he has been here.  

This retreating away from others is Jack's pattern.  He gets really hard on others all around him. We often discuss ways to get away from the stress with short time-outs racked back in his unit.  

As a Christian, he meets with several others for Bible reading and fellowship most days. In the process, he gets disrupted and stays away from the guys who really care about him for several days.  

Jack is writing out his testimony.  We talk about what the Lord has done and continues to do in his life.  Retreating from conflicts isn't solving his inner turmoil.

In balance, most of the men don't tell the chaplains everything that happens when they share about their conflicts in their units in the day rooms. The picture presented to us is most often warped. Once recently, the day officer who knows Jack well even confronted  Jack about staying away from the others. 

             Preparing for the Republic of the Congo in May
Before I share more about Jack, I am raising support, about 1/4 completed toward $3,500, and making plans for another PFC short-term missions trip to the Republic of the Congo beginning May 1 with Nate Bean and Greg and Rhonda Von Tobel.  I'll be overseeing finances with our Excel spreadsheet again and coordinating our airport travel details as part of my servant-leadership training.

We are planning three evangelistic prison services and two conferences to encourage those already serving in prisons and others wanting to get started.

This is the geographically smaller and more western on the two Congo nations in Africa, the other being the Democratic Republic of the Congo.  We will be flying into Brazzaville, on the southeast borde


                                                        
                               
                              Conflicts stir most days
It is common for conflicts to stir just below the surface most days--the reality of jail and prison life everywhere.  Often, it takes very little for these little things to erupt. The men stay in an open day room with circular tables and plastic chairs.  They can play cards and watch TV while they are out.  They can walk around and get exercise in the contained recreation area.  Guys talk about their lives outside the jail and often tell expanded stories about what is going on.  

The guys get frazzled around twisted attitudes and short tempers.  Some get frustrated enough to raise their voices, argue, and occasionally break into fights.  I remind the guys they are incarcerated.  Some purposefully look for ways to get under their fellow-inmates skin.  Others are manipulating controllers. If they can draw another man into their behaviors, they like it all the more--they think highly of getting others suckered in.

                                 Resolving conflicts
Jack and the other men know they struggle with conflicts.  It is a defeating cycle and for many of them, a pattern in their lives since boyhood. We read and carefully walk through key Bible passages with men about practical spiritual growth so their wives, children, and families recognize their transformation.  Some grow a great deal.  Others talk a good game.  Another group deeply cares and makes small but real incremental steps of growth.

Recently, I attended a Friday-Saturday regional seminar in Beaverton, Oregon about Biblical peacemaking--applying the gospel to conflicts of daily life through Peacemaker Ministries out of Billings, Montana with some new friends from the Maple Valley Presbyterian Church.

I read a book by Ken Sande around 20 years ago called, "The Peacemaker."  I've returned back several times as conflicts arose among my own family, our employment, and stir within our churches we attend.  While I served as a pastor in two small churches, we struggled very unsuccessfully with unresolved conflicts. Conflict is everywhere.

Over the years, I've gone to seminars that seemed so good while attending but when I returned the material didn't fit.  I thought it would all be so good.  While at this event, it was very clear I could start using the material, immediately. Starting this past week, I  actively tweak my presentations for the individuals I am sharing with.

                             Escape or attack modes    
Returning to Jack, in my inmate discussion, Peacemaker Ministries presentation notes we revert to escape or attack when we are confronted with a sticky conflict.  

I asked Jack and he didn't hesitate.  He retreats.  He runs away.  He hides within himself.  I asked what his wife would say.  He said, she would say I escape away from the family.  


The escaping person might go so far as to consider suicide.  Most often, they flee or live in a world of denial.  In some ways, this escape mode is every bit as aggressive.  The passive aggressive response is an assertive way to seek attention and manipulate others.  

The attacking person might consider murdering another person.  Yes, again, that is far out. They will verbal assault or accusation. Their legal action is litigation.  

The purpose is to move further inside the peacemaker responses.  the peaceful person overlooks an offense toward reconciliation.  Negotiation with compromise and win-win between the parties is the goal.  Mediation with a third party to facilitate compromise may be required.  We want to draw as close to win-win, as possible.  If needed, we agree to a mediated resolution so we can move ahead productively.

In order to resolve conflict, it seems so basic to note both parties need to be willing to participate.  We know, sometimes circumstances are so strained communication and participation becomes very hard. 

How do you respond to unresolved conflict or when you don't get your way?  Do you escape or attack? Where are you at on the diagram?  





Friday, March 8, 2013

Police follow-up in Chennai

We confronted yet one more unexpected event every day on the last leg in our short-term India missions trip to Chennai and back up to Dehli. Chennai is on the southeastern coast of India.

I am making plans for our next missions trip to the Congo beginning May 1 with Nate Bean, and Greg and Rhonda Von Tobel.

When we got to Chennai, we connected with Prem Raj, our PFC missionary for the southern part of India, and Charles Finney, who is working with Prem Raj.  We participated in two teaching conferences and visited the Basilica of St. Thomas and the St. Thomas Mount around Chennai.

We visited Chennai's beach, recognized as the largest in the world and the site of a chilling tsunami in 2004 and tremors from an 8.6 Indonesian earthquake in April of 2012.

We also visited an Christian orphanage with 46 children Charles Finney helps to oversee.  Looking out over the children on that sunny day, I actively prayed for several couples in our Faith Baptist Church family who adopted children over the past many years.  


Families take orphans one by one.  The remaining children stay where they are. There are teams of faithful workers who care for these precious youth until the kids are 18.  What a quiet ministry.  Some orphanages care for children of inmates.
Greg led prayer

Just before departing for Dehli, our team visited with Charles in his Chennai home.  In the adjacent picture, Greg Von Tobel and our team prayed with Scott Minter, Prem Raj, Charles Finney, and me.  Don Szolomayer rested on that day.

Police follow-up in Chennai
During the conferences, I taught sessions on working with prison officer staff members and the code of conduct, knowing and following the rules in the jails and prisons where we serve.  

We learned the police visited the host church where we presented the second conference after we departed--another chapter to take a deep breath and surrender the trip to the Lord.  It appears the police wanted to know what we, the foreign missionaries, were presenting or what we were doing there.

The exact reason for the police follow-up was never made clear.  After our initial experiences at the prayer conference the previous week, we asked among ourselves if there was some kind of connection between the two events. What kinds of spiritual warfare might have been active around us?  As we prayed, we asked Him for discernment concerning our time in India.  We still don't know the direct answers to our questions.

When we are sharing with people in the country and traveling, I now see why we identify ourselves as tourists and emphasize the places we visit.  I shared once about teaching conferences and described it as character development. 

I was cautioned about quietly singing hymns on a previous trip.


Dehli included the Red Fort
Red Fort in Old Dehli
Before returning home, we completed a shopping tour in Dehli and visited the outside of the Red Fort with Joshua Gawda, our PFC missionary in the northern part of India.  

Wikipedia notes the Red Fort was built in 1638:

The Red Fort covers a total area of about 254.67 acres enclosed within 2.4 kilometres of defence walls.[1] The walls are punctuated by turrets and bastions. They vary in height from 18 m on the river side to 33 m on the city side. The fort is shaped like an octagon with the north-south axis longer than the east-west axis. The use of marble, floral decorations, double domes in the buildings inside the fort exemplifies the later phase of Mughal architecture.[20]
It showcases a very high level of art form and ornamental work. It is believed that the Kohinoor diamond was a part of the furniture. The art work in the Fort is a synthesis of Persian, European and Indian art which resulted in the development of unique Shahjahani style which is very rich in form, expression and color. Red Fort is one of the important building complexes of India which encapsulates a long period of Indian history and its arts. Even before its notification as a monument of national importance in the year 1913, efforts were made to preserve and conserve the Red Fort, for posterity.


We also had lunches at KFC and McDonalds, both more expensive than other restaurants.  While in a foreign country, we don't drink fruit juices or unbottled water.  We don't eat lettuce, uncooked vegetables, or tomato slices.  We are careful what we order. 

I am especially cautious everywhere because I don't handle spicey foods nor curry-flavored items. Yes, that means I watch very carefully and commonly eat smaller meals.  That doesn't hurt anything.  

Apostle Thomas sites were deeply moving
Thomas touching Jesus
Visiting the sites surrounding the Apostle Thomas were more deeply moving for me than I ever anticipated.  He planted several churches in the southern region of India and made in-roads with the Brahman Hindus.  Several of these Brahman chased him to the mountain and speared him in his martyrdom death.

The very clear historical foundation for our Biblical text was clearly established for me.  The apostles all took the Great Commission to make disciples of all nations very seriously, as I wrote before.  We were on location where Thomas evangelized and planted churches.