Ready to change

 "Chaplain Mark, I really need to talk.  I keep messing up," Don confessed. "I talk too much.  I argue.  I yell. I get into fights.  What is wrong with me?"

Don is a 19 year-old inmate at the Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent.  I was meeting with another inmate in Don's unit when I witnessed live exactly what Don spoke about.

I watched and heard what he did. Later,  an officer warned him he could be headed for "the hole." He got there, later in the week.

                I WITNESSED EVERYTHING
It is as bad as Don presents it.  He is a follower--gang leaders influence him toward destructive actions.  A very willing participant in the misbehavior, his active participation consistently encourages the leaders to continue their subtle and overt games.  Not an innocent bystander at all, others are watching.

It is part of the craziness of incarceration. 

Don said, "You saw all that?...  Oh, man, that is bad....I was having a Bible study some time ago with another guy.  Or, we were trying to read the Bible together.  We said we know what the old life is over there.  The Bible is teaching us another way.  We don't want the results of the old way.  Then, we go back to it."

We carefully worked through Romans 7:15-8:2.

...For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me... 



Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
    
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  Romans 7:15-8:2 

Don and I shared what real change begins to look like for him.  It challenges his personal loyalties.  The gang experience is what he knows. He is taking halting steps, knows gospel truth, and considers what a different life might mean.  How ready is he to change?  The "hole" may or may not lead to heart change.  We may talk again, soon.

                         MOVING INTO GOD'S CHANGE

Steve taught about being ready to change at Celebrate Recovery on a recent Thursday at Kent Covenant Church on the east hill of Kent, Washington.

"I clearly remember 13 years ago, I was lost, hopeless, and depressed around my alcoholism," Steve admitted.  "There were countless times I desired to stop drinking.  I was sorry and took steps to stop.  Then, I'd drink all over again and the cycle would repeat itself once more."

From 2 Kings 5, Steve recounted King Naaman, a  leper, seeking healing and the directions given to him by Elisha to wash seven times in the Jordan River.  

There were several other things this leper could have done.

He could have washed other places.

• Why wash at all?
• Why did he need to be washed in the Jordan?
• Why seven times?

Three times in another creek would have been good enough...

Naaman obeyed God's clear instructions to receive healing.  Steve remembers similar obedience with first halting, stumbling steps to remove his patterns of alcohol addiction.

"I had to go to the meetings, work the steps, and let the Lord remove my shortcomings. I had to do the work. I realized I am an alcoholic and it came time to stop drinking. I lived with other resentments.  I was self-centered and greedy. I needed to control the way other people did things.   Those sinful patterns developed over long periods of time--30, 40, 50 years."

                    IDENTIFY CHARACTER DEFECTS

Principle 5 is about being ready from the Celebrate Recovery step series:

Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask him to remove my character defects.

The accompanying step 6 states:

We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

The Scripture used for these teachings on spiritual readiness for God's change in our lives is based on:

"Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires," Matthew 5:6

and

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:10

Every change... really?  Every change?  Character defects are sin.  Three letters.  Moral failure.  This is very personal. It is not merely a shortcoming.  These character defects are attitudes, choices, behaviors before God. The people who follow Jesus repent of sin.  We make a conscious decision to turn away from character defects of sin and turn to God. 

                     TAKING STEPS TO CHANGE

Using an acronym based on READY, Steve presented a Celebrate Recovery pathway to humble change around addiction and related character defect sins. 

FIRST, RELEASE CONTROL.  Psalm 143:10

Steve admitted struggling with his lifelong desire for control around his family and marriage.  He gets upset if meetings don't end on time.  In many ways, he doesn't want to give up control. I don't want to give up control around many things.  How about you?  What are you struggling to give up?

SECOND, EASY DOES IT.  Psalm 37:5

There are no quick fixes to overcome longstanding character issues established from childhood and rooted in our family backgrounds. It takes a long time to build changes in our habits.  Our character defects can be removed over time with God's help.


THIRD, ACCEPT THE CHANGE.  1 Peter 1:13-14

Those who are needing to change accept God's help in steps of transition.  God brings people alongside us to walk through significant steps.

Steve uses "Roundup" to spray for dandelions in his yard. "I spray a lot. You spray and then for two weeks nothing happens.  You get worried.  You keep looking and then you notice those ugly weeds are dying out.

"Change starts slowly.  Then it begins to happen.  You notice dead weeds.  In the same way, as you do the work and pay attention, our defects begin to disappear," Steve explained.



FOURTH, DO REPLACE CHARACTER DEFECTS.
It may seem like we are like we are wasting our time.  Nothing will change, we surmise.

Everything seems just like when you were struggling at a very low point with your character defect.  Or, maybe you see clear evidence of change but there is a big hole in your life.  You used to do things with people who you know you can't be with.  They may make is clear they don't want to be around you.

You need a replacement.  People involved in meaningful change need positive, productive activities, replacement activities and people.   It is really helpful to seek out hobbies to have fun.  Recovery means replacing defective habits with things that are positive and fun.

FIFTH, YIELD TO THE GROWTH. 1 John 3:9
With God's help, real changes happen.  He works out lasting changes in and around us.  We will be challenged to go back to the old ways.  We need supportive people to hold us up and remind us where we came from.

Addiction like bindweed

 "I struggled with fear of rejection, "Cindy confessed, "and shame because I could not meet standards I felt were imposed on me or I imposed on myself.  I was intimidated and feared punishment and so there was always more shame."

Cindy participates in Celebrate Recovery at Kent Covenant Church and intended to retire from active ministry when she realized she was missing so very much in being mentored and mentoring others.


She participated in the fourth step inventory several times and grieved over abandonment and personal co-dependency.  She looked to those appearing to be more needy to fulfill her.

Cindy realized a lifetime of family sicknesses around addiction leading her through a season of forgiveness.  She found herself playing old tapes in her mind about painful memories and surrendered to the Holy Spirit. As a result, Cindy established safe boundaries around family relationships for her needs.


                              Vesting in recovery

As family members cope with debilitating addictive patterns, they often plead with their addicted loved ones to actively engage in recovery.  They are earnest about their family member's real engagement in the recovery process.  One family recently termed this as being vested in dealing with the needs and habits confronted.  Addicted personalities live in denial.  They do not believe they need:
 

• counseling
• therapy
• in or out-patient treatment
• recovery groups
• help from others beyond empty promises

Addicted people act as if they can stop whenever they want.  They cannot and do not stop by themselves. They drag their families down with them in what some call "crazy-making," sociopath, complicated family sicknesses over prolonged seasons, even lifetimes.

Addicted people are not committed to their own recovery, naturally.  Addiction causes brain rewiring and is a sin disorder.  Evil choices are made offending God and hurting themselves and people closest to them.  Addiction is both a sin and a physiological disorder. 

Some secular groups offering in and out-patient treatment focus solely on the brain rewiring along with related physiological issues and do not even address the sin factor.  Some spiritual groups only focus on the sin dilemma.  

If it is simply a sin disorder, the addicted person should repent of their moral failure and begin the process of productive living. Led by the Holy Spirit, the Apostle Paul spoke to this dilemma.


For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.   ~Romans 8:13-14

 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.   ~Colossians 3:5-8  

Addictive patterns compared to bindweed 

Confronting sin requires active participation.  We put to death the deeds of the body, what is fleshly or earthly.  These steps are led by the Holy Spirit.  We put them away from us.  Sin infects us like bindweed.

Another set of life questions...

For how long will I continue to hand-pull the bindweed coming under the fence and into the planting beds of my life experience? If it were only in my yard, could I ever win? Or, if I play a loop of "It's a Small World After All" directly against the ground, will the bindweed wither and die? 

More than an afternoon of hand-pulling in my planting beds is required around bindweed-like inflicting sin in my life. 

flower

Bindweed is a perennial plant producing a vine with stems 2-4' long and sometimes hairy where new growth occurs. The flowers are white to pink and trumpet-shaped and produce indeterminately throughout the year.

"Calling it 'Morning Glory' is the work of a truly evil person," insists Dennis Hincamp of the Utah State University Extension Service.

root system

The Oregon State Extension Service reports field bindweed spreads by seed and a deep, extensive root system. Scientists have reported that seed from bindweed can persist in soil for up to 60 years and its roots can grow up to 30 feet deep. 

vines wrap around plants

Normally, the first signs of bindweed are thread-like vines that wrap themselves tightly around plants or other upward objects.  Eventually, these vines will grow leaves, which are shaped much like an arrowhead.

Single attempts to remove bindweed roots will not be successful. When controlling bindweed, the first thing to remember is gardeners will need to choose multiple control methods before successful eradication is accomplished.
 

                      Eradication of sin

J. I. Packer

"I never get to the end of mortifying sin," J. I. Packer writes,  "because sin in my heart is still marauding, even though it is not dominant. Sin is constantly expressing itself in new disorderly desires, as bindweed is constantly expressing itself in fresh shoots and fresh blooms. 

"Once bindweed has established itself in your garden or hedge it is very difficult to get out because it is always extending itself under the surface of the soil. 

"Sin in the heart is rather like that. But as blooms of sin break surface and I recognize them, I am called to — indeed deep down in my heart I want to — go into action with this prayer procedure for draining the life out of them. 

"I think this is a discipline every Christian has to wake up to right at the beginning of the Christian life and continue with as long as we are in this world.  I owe more, I think, to John Owen than to any other theologian, ancient or modern, and I am sure I owe more to his little book on mortification than to anything else he wrote.” 

How do we overcome nagging sins that infect our hearts and wrap around our lives and loved ones around us? What steps do we take to deal with the physiological disorders?  What kinds of real help are we willing to be vested in?

12 steps and Scriptures from Celebrate Recovery

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors. That our lives had become unmanageable.  Romans 7:18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Philippians 2:13 For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Lamentations 3:40 Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs. James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 1 Corinthians 10:12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out. Colossians 3:16a Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.
12. Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and practice these principles in all our affairs. Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

 

Freedom from the idols of addiction

"The more someone uses drugs," Dan confessed, "the more selfish he becomes.  You don't care about what you are doing to anyone.  I am experienced so I know all about being selfish because I've spent most of my teenage and adult life addicted to drugs."

Dan was an inmate I met with over two seasons of incarceration at the MRJC in Kent.  Several other inmates around an evening service a few days later in Q unit with Dwight Hawley, my faithful PFC co-worker and brother in Christ, agreed. 

One of the Alcoholic Anonymous lines the inmates know goes:
."...one is too many...and a thousand is not enough."

Starting recovery from the evil web of addictions is a huge step forward in God's healing and deliverance. Addictions lead to an evil web of sin and sicknesses--Satanic footholds.

John 10:10 refers to the evil thief as, "coming to steal, kill and destroy."

The thief in John 10 represents is the evil one, our deceitful adversary, and will, if not confronted along with the forces of the world and the flesh, use addictions to steal, kill, and destroy everything truly good in our lives.

MRJC complex in Kent

The men I meet with every day at the Maleng Regional Justice Center are weighed down with the consequences of their addictions.  Destructive addictions strike men and women--whether it is substance abuse in drinking and drugs of heinous impact, sex trafficking, prostitution, internet gaming, gambling, pornography, and countless other paths.

 A long list of addictions is added to in ways all of us come under the control of what God calls IDOLS.

Here is what God gave to Moses as the first two Commandments:

    “You shall have no other gods before me.
    “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them..."  

Exodus 20:3-5a

Many of these inmates process through multiple in and out-patient clinics only to dig deeper into their paths of destruction with those they are doing their treatment with. A frightening number of inmates never participate in treatment or recovery care even though they share they have been involved since pre-teen years.

The last half of John 10:10 states such a freeing liberating message, "I came that they might have life and have it abundantly."

                       My path of addictive struggles

This all isn't about other people.  I remember feeling depressed during my college experiences.  I was walking in faith and connected in my local church with my family.  I had great friends. I read the Bible and prayed regularly and even felt His call on my life toward serving Him in a full-time way.  I remember sitting in the community college parking lot like I was in the wrong place.

I was proud.  I knew all the answers and was smarter than others around me.  It was really all about me.  I learned to respond to everything that frustrated me with anger.   I remember realizing this anger thing gave me energy.  It was an evil force that needed to be dealt with.

Anger was part my response to significant things that frustrated me.   I thought I knew better than my teachers and bosses around me.  That caused me serious trouble for a long season of adulthood.

As I look back, now, I could have fallen in areas of substance abuse addiction so very easily.  God was carrying me through so many things.  "I never smoked, chewed, drank or went with people who do..."  That is no humor.  Still, I struggled.  I have empathy for the fallen.  I created several other struggled with bad responses to people in authority.

I know all about failure.  I kept getting warnings.  I would get better and things looked resolved.  The Lord kept leading.  I was serving Him and I He knew everything.  It became a harder place than I ever imagined. 

The longer I gave anger a safe place, the more selfish I became. 

I ended up meeting with several counselors and a seasoned middle school teacher who really helped me.  My deeply-entrenched anger led me to destructive places at home, on my job, in my good church ministries, and with teams I coached.  I am sure I am missing areas.  God used that teacher, James, and the therapist, Gary, to continue guiding me to my own recovery.

In this journey into my own addictive, prideful anger, I asked the Lord to speak to me through His word.  His message of recovery was loud and clear.  It was like the font size quadrupled off the page--

"And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit."

~Galatians 5:24-25 

                   The Lord's recovery journey

Getting caught by people God sends into our deep places is the beginning of His incredible blessings, not demeaning punishment, as we see it.  God's merciful journey is His good road to lifetime healing. 

The next steps in total life recovery might not have been possible if you had done "just enough" to remain under the radar.  The path to recovery starts with recognizing God Himself is carrying, walking, guiding, holding your hand through His steps of discipline.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  ~Hebrews 12:11


                      Addictions inventory
How do you know if you are addicted and if you are in need of some kind of recovery?  Take a first inventory from my list, here.  How many of these things are yours?  You may need a trusted family member or friend to walk through this with you.

Those engaged in abusive activities, behavior, and people commonly:

1.  Preoccupied with the activity and behavior.

2.  Increasing amounts of time required to achieve satisfaction.
3.  Repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop.

4.  Restless, moody, depressed, or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop. 

5.  Lose significant relationships, job, educational, or career opportunity.

6.  Lie to family members, therapist, friends, and co-workers.

7.  Escape to relieve feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression.

8.  Grades crash with sense of isolation and hopelessness.

9.  Employment  performance and relationships slide significantly.
 

Other symptoms:
• Heightened sense of euphoria

• Neglecting family and friends
• Loss of consistent sleep
• Increased stress, anxiety, depression

• Weight gain or loss

• Withdrawing from productive activities

Whether its around some recognized addiction or some other failure, getting caught is so hard.  I pray you believe you are in a safe "shelter from the storm" with the special people the Lord Himself has encircled around you.

Epidemic gaming

Treatment for any addiction must be purposeful.  The addicted person needs far more direct, concrete help than they are willing to submit to.  Most often, these things are not prayed away.

In every recovery program God honors, prayer will be employed, mandatory, and required. 

You can't overcome addiction alone.  Meeting with a mentor regularly is a great start. Some combination of treatment, therapy, and group involvement will be required. There are solid support groups for virtually every form of addiction and painful family need. Many find Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon-type groups are very helpful.

Good, trustworthy help is available all around us.  One of the sayings I've learned in recovery support groups is:  "the program is useless if you don't work the steps."  Going to a recovery program or getting counseling gets left in the room if we won't apply what we learned or actively work at it with as much support as we can be encircled with.

                         Celebrate Recovery

Kent Covenant Church

I returned to a faith-based "Celebrate Recovery" group at Kent Covenant Church on the east hill of Kent, Washington on Thursday nights.  CR came out of Saddleback Church in California with Pastor Rick Warren.

The Kent Covenant group meetings start with a $4 dinner and fellowship at 6:30 pm.  We enjoy worship, a teaching or testimony, a gender specific small groups, and sharing around dessert to close about 9:30.

CR encourages four step studies for individuals, and small groups as well as seeking sponsors for ongoing one-to-one caring support. 


My local church, Faith Baptist Church, and Valley View Christian Church, also on the east hill of Kent are taking steps to start Celebrate Recovery groups. Several other groups remain active in our region and likely wherever you live. Get the support and help you need.  Find a counselor, therapist, in or out-patient treatment program, and a program group the Lord leads you to.  Check out other groups, faith-based or otherwise.   

                                     Wounded people all around us

Somebody is not safe here

Overcoming addictions and getting on a road to recovery involves those closest to us.  The addicted person creates family circles of sickness.  Families of origin are not naturally safe.  Families who go to church and are Christians are not naturally safe, either.  Some folks are hidden, dangerous mines subconsciously or consciously planted in and around us.



Most don't intend to wound others. Or, they don't appear to care and they actively hurl abuse.   A wounded person may think its safe to attack others around church.  They actively believe pastoral staff and church leaders are safe to abuse because they won't strike back. These hurlers need to be in recovery. 

"Stick and stones may break bones..."  but I have learned... destructive words break hearts.


                             Safe people and places

God's safe people

There are very safe people and places in all our churches.  God has gifted certain ones with caring and loving spirits.  As great listeners and prayer warriors, they stick with you as faithful friends.  The Lord may use these special ones to guide you into life-changing, transforming recovery.  The local church can be an amazing shelter from the storm, a genuine safe harbor.



I remind myself my church is no safer than I am.  We learn to let the Lord teach us to be safe and create safe places most often by hard experiences that bring us to brokenness. There are outstanding therapists and counselors in our region.

It all starts by being in harder places than we could have ever imagined and finding the Lord meets us down deep where we need him.  These are often low and dark valleys.  Watch out!  Several of these hard, low, apparently dark places are hiding in our journeys.  

Hold onto your faith.  Run to Jesus.  I am praying the Lord will move so decisively you will embrace your own faith.   I am pleading with the Lord you will discover you are encircled with loving people who are walking alongside you in your path of recovery.  

What help are you willing to pursue?  What is a first step or next action for you?

Feelings lacking confidence

"I don't know if I feel confident Jesus stays with me," Darrell confided in a one-to-one conversation with me at the Maleng Regional Justice Center Jail, recently. 

"When I have been in jail before, I read the Bible and for awhile I feel really good.  I talked to people about God and the Bible. A little later even that day I don't feel so good. 

"I am not sure if God is still with me. 

"When I get released from jail, I have just gone back to my old lifestyle. I  get in trouble with people, get picked up, and I'm back in jail.  It is like all the stuff about God never happened. I go in circles."

Darrell is locked up in fear and pain.

Darrell is incarcerated but not by the King County Detention Center.  I became just so clear prayer was required to care for Darrell.  He has not known to do any different.   Other chaplains shared these things with him.  There was no definite plan he put in place to get to a safe place with people who would encourage him to make a habit and lifetime of walking with God around a street ministry, gospel mission, or a local church.

Darrell kept asking about how he should feel.  At one point, he probed, "Am I a Christian only when I am feeling really good?...Does He leave me when I don't feel anything?"

Inmates return to what they know

Transition hours right after release are critical for every inmate.  Most need hand-holding through those first hours and days.  If there are substance abuse issues, as is most common, fellow users are right there to get the released man right back into the mire.

Darrell goes back to what he knows.  Unless something changes that is radical, unless he makes very deliberate plans to do something else, he will return to the way he knows.   Darrell jumps back into entangled gang relationships and activities.  

While serving with Prisoners for Christ, I minister alongside jail ministry staff from the Seattle Union Gospel Mission team.  I am connecting Darrell to my UGM friends to explore these things.

He was presented the saving message of Christ in a juvenile detention facility.  I patiently shared the gospel message with him several months ago and he acted like he was hearing for the first time but he waffled and wiggled.  Well, he said, yes, he heard it before and it seemed to feel real.  At least one other chaplain presented the message to him at the MRJC.  He has gone through several levels of first time and assurance prayer experiences.  

I followed up several times.  He is very friendly and seemed eager to talk but he did a little "avoidance soft shoe."  After awhile,  he doesn't want to meet.  There are other gang members and unit guys pulling him away.   He follows easily. 

Overcoming fickle feelings

Disciples follow Jesus

A Christian follows Christ.  We see what that looks like in the Matthew 5 beatitudes for the new  and seasoned saint.  This is the bold print of discipleship.  The first beatitude in verse 3 says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  ~Matthew 5:3

Jesus announced very special people follow Him in radical ways. The followers of Jesus recognize they are unable, they don't have it in them without the power of God to cope with the daily realities of life.  "Poor in spirit" means abject so utter and complete spiritual inability.  

Abject poor

They are desperate for God to meet them where they really are and theirs is the kingdom of heaven. The followers of Jesus are wholly given over to God.  They don't push in the flesh to get these things.  God gives His followers peace and comfort in giving ourselves to Him.  

Amidst daily jail unit life, Darrell admitted when things get a little frustrating he ends up yelling and cursing.  He gets out of control and then gets in trouble. 

I inquired, "How is that working out?"  He is 18 or 19 and he admitted it is not working well, at all.  Some inmates  approve and support his disruptions.  

They are the ones Paul speaks about, "Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them." ~Romans 1:32.

Trusting Jesus

I took him Darrell to what Solomon has to say--

    Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
        and do not lean on your own understanding.
    In all your ways acknowledge him,
        and he will make straight your paths.  ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Trusting in, leaning everything on the Lord is speaking of giving everything to God.  It speaks of a whole heart spirit and Solomon said it is, "with all your heart." What is "your own understanding"?  It is all about the way we usually think and our usual habits of life.  That way isn't leaning and trusting in the Lord.

We go deeper in prayer

Wherever the Lord plants you and me to care for others, we simply must learn to plead with God in prayer.  

Under best conditions, we battle through deep trials in prayer.  Some are caught in really deep places.  Those of us who are called go to those places to extend ropes of God's deliverance need deeper and deeper prayer. 

Parts of the jail and prison experience are very depressing, even debilitating.  My own real experience through some days involves ups and downs.  I go through occasional two to five minutes of feeling low, frustrated, even depressed.  I learned not to stay there.These things are never defeated without growing in prayer.

Anchored on God and His promises

Proven experience with God is not based on feeling either high or low but what God speaks to about Himself, who He is, and what He says He will do, His promises for His blessed followers. 

From one of the most comforting chapters in the Bible, David wrote:

    Where shall I go from your Spirit?
        Or where shall I flee from your presence?
    If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
        If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
    If I take the wings of the morning
        and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
    even there your hand shall lead me,
        and your right hand shall hold me.
    If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
        and the light about me be night,”
    even the darkness is not dark to you;
        the night is bright as the day,
        for darkness is as light with you.  ~Psalm 139:7-12

The Lord uses His Scripture to teach Darrell how to feel by reading and directly asking the Lord.  I suggested he go back to Matthew 5:3, not just read it several times, but memorize and then carefully meditate on it.  He could start with Matthew 5:3 and then go to a couple other verses I referred to as "go to" texts.  These are verses God uses to really help us when needed the most. 

Scripture memory:  REVIEW TIMES THREE

The three rules for memorizing Scripture are the same: REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW.  Memorizing a text means "word perfect" with what each person can do.  It is totally right-on to go back and check it out as many times as we need to.  Going back for further review is part of the memory process, not cheating.  

Darrell's Bible is carefully marked.  Verses are boxed or starred.  He is using a Contemporary English Translation.  Great.  Awesome!  Throughout our time together,  he immediately located designated texts.   He says he reads his Bible most days and seemed to want to try the Scripture memory.

Keep praying and sharing 

Even as our time together concludes, Darrell was unsure, again.  He seemed to be tracking all along.  "How should I feel?  I'm not sure. Is the Lord still with me?"  I reminded him to ask God to teach him how to feel.  I am in that unit several times a week. He can send a kite request or approach me.  What did he get from our time together?

Bringing our shame to Jesus

"I feel like everyone was staring at the back of my head at worship service."  This man felt shaming guilt from a sequence of really poor choices around his family that led to a divorce.  

In our local church family, a couple transparently shared a very painful family experience in a Sunday School class I was leading.  It seemed healing and good as I led the class, really good.  We prayed and several acted empathetic and caring.  Somehow, critical and painful things were said later by someone.  What appeared to be a safe refuge in our class was not for them, at all. They stopped coming to our class for a long time.  Thankfully, they remain in our church family and have opened up again, over time.
 

                   Pride sets the whole thing on fire

As all of this ugly embarrassment and shame gets stirred up, self-righteous pride sets the whole thing on fire.  Some actively protect their shame from exposure and are defensive about talking about it so nobody or setting will ever be a safe shelter from the storm. If a person suffered abuse in the past, they may be looking for new ways to be shamed.

Most people don't talk about their scars and shame.  Some are the very real walking wounded.  You and I may be hiding our shame we have lived with for a long time. 

Everyone is not experiencing oppressive shame but more are than we know about or we are able to see.  Some spend prolonged seasons covering up. How would you describe your family experience?  Have you experienced the pangs of this pain?  Many are not intending to shame others.  Those who are shamed often shame others closest to them.  


                        AFLAC missions tables
Last week at our home Faith Baptist Church, I participated as a full-time missionary with Prisoners for Christ Outreach Ministries in a mini-missions emphasis around "A Faith Church Lunch After Church," AFLAC.  

Tables were set up all around the sanctuary with many missionaries represented.  I met  many children and shared with some parents and couples.  We are getting to know new families in our church body who joined us just in the last two years.

             Recovering at the MRJC
At the Maleng Regional Justice Center, Reggie shared about a really stable pastor and wife who are his spiritual parents.  He struggles as a substance abuser so that  when he is using he doesn't want to be near his church family.

"Staying away when I am about to use or am already drunk is how I was thinking I needed to show respect for them. On this latest time, I drove to the church and wouldn't come in. I was a mess. The pastor came out to the car to help me.  He laid hands on me and prayed.  At first, angry cursing blurted out of me.  Then, I remember falling back in my seat and felt the Lord's presence."


When he needs the love and protection of the people who care for him the most, it isn't respect that keeps him away but guilt and shame. His shame boils up all around pride. He is embarrassed because so many people in the church family and Rescue Mission community have faithfully cared for him.  


He acknowledged he needs to be with his church and faith community when he stumbles and is feeling shame.  His brain is programmed to isolate him from those he needs the most.  The adversary, the very enemy of his soul, accuses him. 

                        Shelters or leaking shacks

leaking roof over shack

It only takes one or two voices to turn shelters from the storms of shame to just another leaking shack we cannot trust.  Our families and churches are only as safe as you and I are and what we are willing to risk.  

Jesus met a shamed woman in John 4.  He was traveling with His disciples through the hated Samaria and stopped because He was weary.  It was about noon.  

The ESV Study Bible note informs us, "Sixth hour refers to noon, when it would have been hot and time to rest, and travelers would be thirsty. Normally, women would come to draw water in the morning or evening when it was cooler (Gen. 24:11; cf. 29:7–8); the immoral woman comes at a time when no one else would be at the well."

This woman was an adulteress and openly shamed in her community.  As John unfolds the account, we are told Jesus knew her heart and everything about her.  

At a recent Celebrate Recovery session, a guest counselor suggested a path to healing shame could be found in entering into this story with Jesus and the woman at the well in John 4.  She directed us to insert our own names whenever the woman acted and spoke.  Substitute your pain and shame when the woman and Jesus exchange about her immorality. Take it as far as you can.  There might not be a total fit.  She called this an "inventory of shame."

Here is the account in the English Standard Version:

Jacob's well at

So he came to a town of Samaria called Sychar, near the field that Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob's well was there; so Jesus, wearied as he was from his journey, was sitting beside the well. It was about the sixth hour.  A woman from Samaria came to draw water. 

Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) 

The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) 

Samaritan woman and Jesus

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” 

The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” 



Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 

Jesus offers living water

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”
    
Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 

The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” 

Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” 

The woman said to him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship.” 

Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” 

The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” 

Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.”
~John 4:5-26


                                  Run to Jesus
The first step is to run to Jesus. Really, running to Jesus is all the steps.  In this case, we focus on the woman and ourselves. There is most often way more going on in and around shame than we have been willing to speak or think about.  Jesus brings the real truth about our families and you and me to light.  He also invites us to drink His living water.  He says He Himself is the Living Water.  He is promising the indwelling Holy Spirit and overflowing deliverance and healing from all sin and shame.

The second step in running to Jesus is to recognize what God says about Himself and how He loves us. Like the woman who spoke with Jesus in Sychar, might we perceive Jesus is speaking directly to you and me?  He is dealing with our very specific issues of really painful wounds inflicted upon us as well as our own pride and cover-up.  He forever frees us from being victims and offers His Living Water.  We come to realize what Jesus says is true about our shame.The deep love of God is the cure for shame. Jesus Christ delivers us from a lifetime shame.  

The third step is to give yourself time and attention.  Give yourself time for quality rest and retreat. This is not running away or another avenue for hiding.  Run to Jesus! Read the Scriptures and listen to Him.  Get His help.  Submit to the voice of the Holy Spirit. 

The church body is made up of a community in various stages of God's continuing healing.  Some are more wounded than others. Some have not discovered the Messiah's healing for them.  They may have been wandering around the church building for a long time and it seemed like just another leaking shack in their lives.  

The Lord Himself also plants safe people and places in our churches who are gifted with His mercy.  Meet with a merciful person or small group, these people may be a refuge or shelter from the storms of shame. Some pastors are very good counselors and can refer you to a gifted counselor inside or around the church to walk us to the practical help we need.   


The fourth step is to memorize and meditate on Scripture.  Read the Psalms as it teaches us to pray over many situations and emotional stages.  A list of verses to start with are Matthew 11:28-30, John 3:3-6, Romans 8:1 and 10, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 2:20, Ephesians 2:4-6 and 10, Colossians 2:9-10, 1 John 4:17.


The fifth step is to read on addictive behaviors and shame.  If these things are stirring and you like to read, You might consider reading:
"Spiritual depression," by Martyn Lloyd Jones  I read this and keep referring to it
"Instruments in the Redeemer's hands," by Paul David Tripp same as above
"Healing the shame that binds you," by John Bradshaw
"Safe people," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
"Emotionally healthy spirituality," by Peter Scazzero
"Subtle power of spiritual abuse," by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderon
"Toxic faith," by Stephen Arterburn
"Recovering from churches that abuse," by Robert Enroth