Bringing our shame to Jesus

"I feel like everyone was staring at the back of my head at worship service."  This man felt shaming guilt from a sequence of really poor choices around his family that led to a divorce.  

In our local church family, a couple transparently shared a very painful family experience in a Sunday School class I was leading.  It seemed healing and good as I led the class, really good.  We prayed and several acted empathetic and caring.  Somehow, critical and painful things were said later by someone.  What appeared to be a safe refuge in our class was not for them, at all. They stopped coming to our class for a long time.  Thankfully, they remain in our church family and have opened up again, over time.
 

                   Pride sets the whole thing on fire

As all of this ugly embarrassment and shame gets stirred up, self-righteous pride sets the whole thing on fire.  Some actively protect their shame from exposure and are defensive about talking about it so nobody or setting will ever be a safe shelter from the storm. If a person suffered abuse in the past, they may be looking for new ways to be shamed.

Most people don't talk about their scars and shame.  Some are the very real walking wounded.  You and I may be hiding our shame we have lived with for a long time. 

Everyone is not experiencing oppressive shame but more are than we know about or we are able to see.  Some spend prolonged seasons covering up. How would you describe your family experience?  Have you experienced the pangs of this pain?  Many are not intending to shame others.  Those who are shamed often shame others closest to them.  


                        AFLAC missions tables
Last week at our home Faith Baptist Church, I participated as a full-time missionary with Prisoners for Christ Outreach Ministries in a mini-missions emphasis around "A Faith Church Lunch After Church," AFLAC.  

Tables were set up all around the sanctuary with many missionaries represented.  I met  many children and shared with some parents and couples.  We are getting to know new families in our church body who joined us just in the last two years.

             Recovering at the MRJC
At the Maleng Regional Justice Center, Reggie shared about a really stable pastor and wife who are his spiritual parents.  He struggles as a substance abuser so that  when he is using he doesn't want to be near his church family.

"Staying away when I am about to use or am already drunk is how I was thinking I needed to show respect for them. On this latest time, I drove to the church and wouldn't come in. I was a mess. The pastor came out to the car to help me.  He laid hands on me and prayed.  At first, angry cursing blurted out of me.  Then, I remember falling back in my seat and felt the Lord's presence."


When he needs the love and protection of the people who care for him the most, it isn't respect that keeps him away but guilt and shame. His shame boils up all around pride. He is embarrassed because so many people in the church family and Rescue Mission community have faithfully cared for him.  


He acknowledged he needs to be with his church and faith community when he stumbles and is feeling shame.  His brain is programmed to isolate him from those he needs the most.  The adversary, the very enemy of his soul, accuses him. 

                        Shelters or leaking shacks

leaking roof over shack

It only takes one or two voices to turn shelters from the storms of shame to just another leaking shack we cannot trust.  Our families and churches are only as safe as you and I are and what we are willing to risk.  

Jesus met a shamed woman in John 4.  He was traveling with His disciples through the hated Samaria and stopped because He was weary.  It was about noon.  

The ESV Study Bible note informs us, "Sixth hour refers to noon, when it would have been hot and time to rest, and travelers would be thirsty. Normally, women would come to draw water in the morning or evening when it was cooler (Gen. 24:11; cf. 29:7–8); the immoral woman comes at a time when no one else would be at the well."

This woman was an adulteress and openly shamed in her community.  As John unfolds the account, we are told Jesus knew her heart and everything about her.  

At a recent Celebrate Recovery session, a guest counselor suggested a path to healing shame could be found in entering into this story with Jesus and the woman at the well in John 4.  She directed us to insert our own names whenever the woman acted and spoke.  Substitute your pain and shame when the woman and Jesus exchange about her immorality. Take it as far as you can.  There might not be a total fit.  She called this an "inventory of shame."

Here is the account in the English Standard Version:

Jacob's well at

So he came to a town of Samaria called Sychar, near the field that Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob's well was there; so Jesus, wearied as he was from his journey, was sitting beside the well. It was about the sixth hour.  A woman from Samaria came to draw water. 

Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) 

The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) 

Samaritan woman and Jesus

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” 

The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” 



Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 

Jesus offers living water

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”
    
Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 

The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” 

Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” 

The woman said to him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship.” 

Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” 

The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” 

Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.”
~John 4:5-26


                                  Run to Jesus
The first step is to run to Jesus. Really, running to Jesus is all the steps.  In this case, we focus on the woman and ourselves. There is most often way more going on in and around shame than we have been willing to speak or think about.  Jesus brings the real truth about our families and you and me to light.  He also invites us to drink His living water.  He says He Himself is the Living Water.  He is promising the indwelling Holy Spirit and overflowing deliverance and healing from all sin and shame.

The second step in running to Jesus is to recognize what God says about Himself and how He loves us. Like the woman who spoke with Jesus in Sychar, might we perceive Jesus is speaking directly to you and me?  He is dealing with our very specific issues of really painful wounds inflicted upon us as well as our own pride and cover-up.  He forever frees us from being victims and offers His Living Water.  We come to realize what Jesus says is true about our shame.The deep love of God is the cure for shame. Jesus Christ delivers us from a lifetime shame.  

The third step is to give yourself time and attention.  Give yourself time for quality rest and retreat. This is not running away or another avenue for hiding.  Run to Jesus! Read the Scriptures and listen to Him.  Get His help.  Submit to the voice of the Holy Spirit. 

The church body is made up of a community in various stages of God's continuing healing.  Some are more wounded than others. Some have not discovered the Messiah's healing for them.  They may have been wandering around the church building for a long time and it seemed like just another leaking shack in their lives.  

The Lord Himself also plants safe people and places in our churches who are gifted with His mercy.  Meet with a merciful person or small group, these people may be a refuge or shelter from the storms of shame. Some pastors are very good counselors and can refer you to a gifted counselor inside or around the church to walk us to the practical help we need.   


The fourth step is to memorize and meditate on Scripture.  Read the Psalms as it teaches us to pray over many situations and emotional stages.  A list of verses to start with are Matthew 11:28-30, John 3:3-6, Romans 8:1 and 10, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 2:20, Ephesians 2:4-6 and 10, Colossians 2:9-10, 1 John 4:17.


The fifth step is to read on addictive behaviors and shame.  If these things are stirring and you like to read, You might consider reading:
"Spiritual depression," by Martyn Lloyd Jones  I read this and keep referring to it
"Instruments in the Redeemer's hands," by Paul David Tripp same as above
"Healing the shame that binds you," by John Bradshaw
"Safe people," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
"Emotionally healthy spirituality," by Peter Scazzero
"Subtle power of spiritual abuse," by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderon
"Toxic faith," by Stephen Arterburn
"Recovering from churches that abuse," by Robert Enroth

Comfort overcomes shame

Shame is caused by the awareness or exposure of guilt, or a hurt reputation or embarrassment, whether or not this feeling is due to sin. 

Feeling shame and shaming others leads to complex webs of sin. God's mercy overcomes sin through His Holy Spirit's incredible conquering work and as His people care for each other.

Shame is caused by being wronged, abused, or mistreated.  Personal rights are violated.  The clearest example could be when a child is verbally, physically or sexually abused by an adult. The shame received by such abuse can be far-reaching.

                   Bringing comfort and mercy to the MRJC

As I am serving with men as a chaplain at the Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent, virtually all the men I meet with for listening, counseling, and prayer are surrounded by screaming shame.

MRJC in Kent

I continue to share with Jerry who hasn't spoken with his family since he began his stay at the MRJC.  He continues to send mail home to his kids but hasn't heard anything from them.  When he calls home, nobody answers.  He carries a load of shame.  


Sal was just sentenced to 18 years for his crimes.  He goes through seasons of shame and prays for his victims.  He is walking through what prison life will be and how He might experience God's mercy.

Chuck shared last week he doesn't want to take away from the time I have with others in his unit but asked me to spend time with him.  We took turns picking out Psalms to read with each other. He needs comfort and mercy for the shame he experiences from his crime.

                                         Shelter from the storm at FSM 

Our high school Faith Student Ministries Sunday morning Gathering is working through the Beatitudes in Matthew.  Here is how it all starts...

   Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
   Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  ~Matthew 5:3-4

             

FSM shelter at Lake Meridian Pa

We are focusing on our church FSM as a "shelter from the storm" where we love and care for each other in deepening relationships.  In the first step, from verse 3, we are utterly humble and helpless within our own resources to cope with our dysfunctions. 

At every level in our local church bodies, from youngest to our seniors, we are learning to care for one another in safe ways. We know the church is not always safe.

In the second step we are addressing this Sunday from verse 4, we mourn our own sin and the sin of those around us.  Jesus instructs us to engage in godly funeral grief over ugly and wicked sin.  In real life contrast, we are brought up to make ourselves "get over it" and "be happy,"  becoming a cover-up of the ravages of sin in real time.   

Jesus says His kingdom people receive His comfort and then comfort and exercise mercy with one another in relationships together. 

We don't just start doing this naturally and we don't do it well, ourselves.  We need God desperately and He promises to empower us through it.  

Comforting each other involves letting God have His way in disciplining us as His children, part of the care and nurture of the healing shelter from the storm we call the local church family.

  

                   Safe sharing at Celebrate Recovery

I began attended a local Celebrate Recovery group once again recently, not now because I have some family member who is crawling wounded through cycles of addiction, but because I am needing to be nurtured through my own sense of abusive dysfunction within my family of origin and my own experiences on my journey.  At a recent meeting, we were privileged to hear a teaching on shame by a local family and marriage counselor.

                                  Shame humiliates

It is hurtful and hurting when you and I were: 

• teased at school 
• humiliated in teams or groups
• belittled by family members or bosses, or...
• told you were a "bad boy," or asked "where are your brains?"
• never good enough 
• feeling we don't measure up
• exposed to porn
• engaged in substance abuse addiction cycles
• falsely accused and unjustly punished for cheating or stealing
• abused by a work supervisor marring your reputation and employment future
• embarrassed when you were improperly corrected in public 

These things are exhausting and runs me through gauntlets of hurtful memories.  

A friend also involved in the same things and I are using the Celebrate Recovery Step series to dig into these things.  We found an inventory worksheet very helpful.  Scripture applied and obeyed are powerful tools God uses to bring about His mercy and comfort.

          Scripture to exercise His mercy and comfort

Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the LORD!  Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven.  ~Lamentations 3:40-41

When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.  ~John 16:13

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.    ~Romans 12:1-2 ESV) 

The counselor at Celebrate Recovery focused on toxic, poisonous cycles of shame. The shamed person feels a need to preserve their image and protect against embarrassing exposure.  Under these pressures, the shamed step in line or feel pressured toward expectations of compliance. One way of massaging these feelings is to develop co-dependent relationships not to really care for others but to regain a sense of value to gain adoration and praise. 

Celebrate Recovery and other faith-based step programs focus on the root causes of sinful, self-seeking, and compulsive behaviors.  Addictive behaviors seek temporary methods to cover up pain and the fears of being exposed. Active participation in the meetings and the various steps are healthy ways to begin receiving help in genuinely safe places.

 

Supernatural prayer

                            A near crash over the North Atlantic

Edith and Francis Schaeffer

                                                      by Francis Schaeffer

                                             from “The universe and two chairs”

Once I was flying at night over the North Atlantic. It was in 1947, and I was coming back from my first visit to Europe. Our plane, one of those old DC4′s with two engines on each wing, was within two or three minutes of the middle of the Atlantic.

Suddenly two engines on one wing stopped. I had already flown a lot, and so I could feel the engines going wrong. I remember thinking, if I’m going to go down into the ocean, I’d better get my coat.

                           "...we're in trouble"

your life jacket

When I did, I said to the hostess, “There’s something wrong with the engines.” She was a bit snappy and said, “You people always think there’s something wrong with the engines.” So I shrugged my shoulders, but I took my coat.

I had no sooner sat down, than the lights came on and a very agitated co-pilot came out. “We’re in trouble,” he said. “Hurry and put on your life jackets.” So down we went, and we fell and fell, until in the middle of the night with no moon we could actually see the water breaking under us in the darkness.

 And as we were coming down, I prayed.

Interestingly enough, a radio message had gone out, an SOS that was picked up and broadcast immediately all over the United States in a flash news announcement: “There is a plane falling in the middle of the Atlantic.”

DC-4 in 1947

My wife heard about this and at once she gathered our three little girls together and they knelt down and began to pray.

They were praying in St Louis, Missouri, and I was praying on the plane...

" ...and we were going down and down."

Then, while we could see the waves breaking beneath us and everybody was ready for the crash, suddenly the two motors started, and we went on into Gander.

          When we got down I found the pilot and asked what happened. “Well,” he said, “it’s a strange thing,   something we can’t explain. Only rarely do two motors stop on one wing, but you can make an absolute rule that when they do, they don’t start again. We don’t understand it.”
    
 "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  ~Hebrews 4:16 

So I turned to him and I said, “I can explain it.”

He looked at me: “How?”

And I said, “My Father in heaven started it because I was praying.”

That man had the strangest look on his face and he turned away.

                                                   Big-picture application

What one must realize is that seeing the world as a Christian does not mean just saying, “I am a Christian. I believe in the supernatural world,” and then stopping. It is possible to be saved through faith in Christ and then spend much of our lives in the materialist’s chair.

         We can say we believe in a supernatural world, and yet live as though there were no supernatural in the universe at all. It is not enough merely to say, “I believe in a supernatural world.”

Christianity is not just a mental assent that certain doctrines are true. This is only the beginning. This would be rather like a starving man sitting in front of great heaps of food and saying, “I believe the food exists; I believe it is real,” and yet never eating it.

It is not enough merely to say, “I am a Christian,” and then in practice to live as if present contact with the supernatural were something far off and strange.

Many Christians I know seem to act as though they come in contact with the supernatural just twice—once when they are justified and become a Christian and once when they die. The rest of the time they act as though they were sitting in the materialist’s chair.

PFC overview

I have served as a full-time chaplain with PFC at the Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent since 2006.  My ongoing ministry involves participation in:

• ·         1-to-1 and small group gospel presentations, discipleship, prayer, and letter writing with an average of 20 male inmates, staff, and officers, weekly
• ·         president of the Chaplaincy Advisory Group, monthly
• ·         preaching and prayer support for worship services and concerts with the Unchained band, His Harmony, and other musical groups, as opportunities arise

• ·         team leader for monthly worship services at the Olympic Corrections Center in Forks and for concert tours of prisons in eastern Washington and Oregon, twice a year  
  

This coming November, I am preparing for my second PFC international short-term missions trip, this time to Napal and India with PFC President Greg Von Tobel  and fellow Faith Church member, Matt Mazdzer.

Matt is an answer to prayer as I asked the Lord to allow me to involve members of our church actively in the PFC Kingdom of God missions outreach. 

Matt Mazdzer

Matt.came to our PFC University where I teach classes and is presently on a short-term missions trip with Nate Bean in Malawi in southeast Africa.  He also has participated on our OCC-Forks concert team. I am praying he and will increase his involvement in other areas and others from our support team will begin serving.

In front of the MRJC in Kent

Katharine and I have been members and have served in numerous ministries at Faith Church since November of 1992.  With so many folks coming, we need to introduce ourselves and my ministry to newer individuals and families around our church body. Our family is richly blessed through so many loving members and ministries at Faith. 

Financial and prayer support comes through our Faith Church missions budget. I am amazed before the Lord for those within our church body, from past ministries and seminary, and others now attending other churches in our community who provide sacrificial financial support.