Declared outcasts

I could be in this picture

Some families embroil themselves in destructive behaviors. It isn't another family somewhere.  I own this one.  My first Al-anon reading from "Hope for today," described behaviors with amazing clarity.

"One of the family's methods for coping with the insanity...has been to declare certain members outcasts.  The decision is never overt, and explanations are never made openly.  The outcasts simply find themselves excluded from the family for a period of time. I sometimes have been judge, sacrificial lamb, or member of the lynch mob."

page 80, March 20

Al-anon emphasizes family members are creatures of God whose shortcomings are beyond my power to change.  Some are not even yet to the point of making amends regarding damage done by participating in adult family habits of casting members out.  Unwritten family codes unravel.

I am praying and surrendering to detach with love and respect from those traveling down paths I choose to avoid.

"Thought for the day:  A statue looks different depending on the angle from which I view it.  If I change the angle from which I view my family members, they might look different, too."

Our Al-anon group focused on Step Nine which is: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

One looks for miracles waiting for the death of an addictive parent by seeking to be kind and loving.  Anger and bitterness still torment.  She has lost her home due to unemployment and asked the Lord to take the wheel.  She cried.

Several respond to family substance abuse by repeated isolation.  They express a need to take care of themselves.  Caring for the needs of others when uninvited is intruding on unwelcome ground.  

 

Some love their own soap operas.  Family dark sides disorient reality. Crises are addicting.  We either have one or create one.  Some are gifted at identifying them for others.  

"You have a crisis.  There, see it?"

We are off to our next crisis.  Sitting at peace is hard.  Al-anon is seen as a spiritual program.  God has a plan. 

We are neither perfect parents nor were we perfect children.  We might be dealing with angry spirits developed from childhood.  We have no idea how to solve our problems nor anybody else's.  Only God knows.  We need safe places to cry.  One was told her stress level was like a Vietnam vet.  Life has no boredom.  She tries waiting but is not comfortable.  

Another Al-anon concept is: "don't just do something, sit there."

Roadblocks are overwhelming.  Everything goes wrong.  More tears.  Fear of further disappointment leaves us frozen.

There is HOPE.  The Lord Himself gives us peace beyond our understanding.

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7

“Be still, and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!”

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.   Selah

Psalm 46:10-11